A Walk in the Woods

Saturday after James got off work, we spent the majority of our day with some online friends of mine and their kids and husbands at Sea World. Overall, it was a fun day, full of killer whales, meltdowns and freezing water. Can't ask for anything better.

The highlight of our day was certainly our $248.88 lunch. Now you might think we went all out, feasting on bluefin tuna and caviar, or that the lagging economy has caused theme parks to over-inflate prices more than they already do, but alas, our meal consisted of two chicken tender kids' meals at $7.29 each, and a veggie wrap and diet Pepsi costing about $11. So how, might you ask, did this modest lunch cost us so much. The answer is two-fold. First off, Sea World's cashiering methods seem to be stuck in the 90s, and secondly, our cashier got her nails did.

Most traditional theme park registers have gone the way of the dinosaur. They've been replaced with shiny new fandangled systems where all that is required is a swipe of the card and you and your receipt are happily on their way. Sea World seems to be content with it's antiquated and time-consuming process, because perhaps the long lines they cause make it look like their park attendance is soaring. Their system consists of two prehistoric machines. A prehistoric, large, non-digital register, and a separate convenience-store style card scanner. So the process goes like this, the cashier rings up your order on the prehistoric register. Once that totals out, the cashier scans your card on the separate machine, takes the total and transaction number and keys it in, prints a receipt for you to sign, then finally gives you your receipt. The whole process takes the better part of 2-3 minutes. So if this is the process they always use, why was it so difficult for my cashier???

And here's where the nails come in. My cashier had LONG acrylic nails...I'm not talking Guinness World Record long...but long enough to do some damage if they came near an unsuspecting eyeball. I knew this would be disastrous from the get-go, because her attempts to key in one number, would inevitably cause her to key in at least three, and at one point, one of her nails even got stuck in a button. Perhaps she should consider a more manicured look, given her job description. So, she's feverishly typing away, and I see the receipt finally printing, with the total of $248.88. My jaw DROPS...but she makes no eye contact with me, or even tries to explain, and simply begins to frantically attempt voiding the transaction. Well, in a classic 'cashier fail' moment, she processes the same transaction again....and again. Little receipts keep printing out, with this HUGE number considering what I'm purchasing, and still she avoids explaining anything.

Finally, she turns to me with this huge shit-eating grin and says "I keyed in the wrong amount, but I voided it, so if you'll just sign here to authorize it". Um, sorry, I'm NOT authorizing a $248 charge to my debit card for shitty food, so I sign the void receipt and hand them back. Finally, after 7 minutes in line and 5 different people having been checked out at the other line, I sign my receipt for $24.88 and take my food, frustration and disbelief to my awaiting family.

Lesson learned: bring cash to Sea World.

Kids Meal: $7.49
Diet Pepsi: $2.59
Acrylic Nails: $25

Being charged 10 times the value of your meal: Priceless

This Valentines Day, the Hallmark-endorsed "Day of Love", I thought I'd take the time to write to the four people that make me who I am.


Collin.He was born into this world determined to suck the life out of me. From the moment he was born, hot and infected with bacteria that could very well have killed him. Those 10 long days, holding his tiny hand inside the walls of a NICU.

He still brings me more breathless moments than any of the other kids. Today, though, it's with his intelligence, his wit, his heart. He admittedly "knows everything". Just the other day on an ordinary trip to Target he said to me "Mommy, when I grow up, you or Daddy or anybody else won't have to teach me to drive, because driving looks pretty easy. You just turn the wheel whatever way the road is going, and that's how you drive." Glad he absolved us of that responsibility.

Collin astounds me daily with his compassion for others, and a heart for wanting everyone to feel as good as he does, or better. He always wants everyone to have friends and be included. He rarely finds a fault with anyone that cannot be overlooked. He really does have a heart of gold. Just recently, the stomach bug and ensuing dehydration that ravaged each of our children, and landed the littlest in the hospital, proved to show my a little more evidence of his compassion. Despite his own fever, vomitting and diarrhea, his biggest concern was "Is Liam going to be OK?" He gives me light and laughter, even on the darkest of days. I hope his four-year-old heart stays with him forever.



Mia. Easygoing from the time she was in the womb. The easiest birth of the three of them. She's always been the one that goes with the flow, does what we ask and rarely protests. As an infant, we could take her anywhere, and she would adapt. At 2 weeks old, she slept for hours on a towel on a beach chair. In fact, even as a toddler in the throes of the terrible twos, she's mild. She sometimes wants her own way, but is content to conform to ours. She loves babies, and her brothers are her world.

She is a Daddy's girl to the core, and whether he knows it or not, she's got him wrapped around her little finger, and then some. She's the best sleeper, the best eater, the most content in the car, and overall the happiest little girl I've ever met. She's given us a run for our money.

Only a few days old when we discovered the hole in her heart, it caused an ache in our hearts for months. Then the torticollis, and the eye surgery. It was always something with Mia, but she pummeled through like a champ. Inquisitive, silly, brave and nurturing. I hope she stays that way forever. However, I want her to grow up and learn to shed her conformity, discover herself, and stand her ground, always. I will will work tirelessly to teach her these things. After all, 'well behaved women rarely make history'. My daughter makes me a better person, and for that, she will forever have my heart.


Liam. He came into our lives as a shock, a surprise, and as I regretably recall, a burden. It still pains me to think of my reaction and gut feelings the days and weeks that followed reading the word "Pregnant" on the HPT. I will live with the guilt of my uncertainty for the rest of my life.

I could never have imagined then, what Liam would bring to our family. He's only been with us for 2 months, but it feels like an eternity. He continues to be a surprise. We waited for a surprise at birth, to find he was a boy, and by far the biggest of all three kids. He remained nameless for hours. Within days we realized he was not afraid to make his needs and wants known, very loudly. He brought out a love we'd never seen in our oldest children.

His size and sheer strength continue to astound us. He seems to grow exponentially and get stronger by the minute. He rolled over for the first time when he was only a few days old, and I can't remember a time when he didn't hold his head up. Despite his vocal insistence on having things his way, he brings me immesurable joy. He reminds me that I CAN take on even those feats I never thought possible (like parenting 3 kids under 4!). I imagine that he will spend his life surprising us all, and I'm grateful for that, because Liam will keep me young well into retirement.


And last, but certainly not least. James. James and I have seen each other through the best, and the worst. We've had our ups and downs and ins and outs. Despite the challenges, and the circumstances, our love for one another has brought us through 10 years and three kids. He has his issues, as do I, but at the end of the day, he's my soulmate.

He's a wonderful husband, thoughtful and always willing to pitch in and do his part, and then some. Above all, he's an amazing father. I could not ask for a more wonderful partner to parent my children with. He's firm when he has to be, as rough as they need him to be, creative, imaginative, loving and fun. Always hands-on, he's the dad who's not afraid to get on the swings or bouncy slide just to make his kids happy. And he never bats an eye at losing sleep to spend more time with them. He is SuperDad.

I love to watch him interact with the kids from a distance. To read to them, bathe them, feed them. Most people never see this side of him, and that's ok. Outside this house, he is who he has to be, but within these four walls, he is still the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I will.

It's official. I'm drowning in meatballs. These last few days have reminded me of this whimsical children's book. A quirky town, unusual weather, never-ending randomness. Food haphazardly dropping from the skies, the people of ChewandSwallow left with little choice but to enjoy the madness, take the good with the bad, and accept that raining food three times a day is part of life. I wish my "meatballs" tasted half as good.

At breakfast, it rains disaster. Not an "OMG DCF is gunna take my kids" disaster, but a "when will I ever get a handle on all the laundry/toys/dishes and what is that sticky stuff I just stepped on" disaster. I look at it all and I can't even figure out where to start, so I don't. I suck as a housekeeper. I try to find creative ways to get better, but they always fail.

At lunch time, it snows pandemonium. It's very scary. 7th graders intent on behaving like the biggest fools in life. Attention whores, drama queens, and plain old freaks run rampant at that place. There's never enough consequences to put a stop to the behavior, meaning each day is worse than the day before. Just today one of my resident crazies told her group-mates that she wanted her boyfriend to help her kill her grandparents, this was after telling them yesterday that she had killed her parents, and the baby that she was supposedly pregnant with while I was on maternity leave. What is wrong with people? I swear I didn't know anyone like this when I was in middle school. I am an optimist by nature, so for me to fear for the future of mankind the situation must be dire. And it is.

By dinner time, it hails exhaustion. This is the part when I walk around in a daze. Going through the motions of feeding and bathing little ones, all while trying not to fall asleep. This is the time when I see my husband for part of our daily hour as spouses, to try to catch up on the last 23 hours, and prepare for the next. This is when I do my best to stay up long enough to pack his midnight lunch, and send him off to work. This is when I try to spend quality time with the kids, and the baby. This is when the reality of our collective burdens overwhelm me, despite my best efforts to conquer them. This is when I realize the house is a disaster, and wish I could get it together, but don't. This is when I fail miserably at all of it.

The next day, it starts all over.

I'd take meatballs any day.

I've tried this blog thing before. Thing is, my life is a whirlwind and I can never quite stick to anything for long. Plus I procrastinate. A lot. In fact, I've told myself "I'll blog in 15 minutes" for about the last 15 months...and here we are. At least I actually kept my word from 15 minutes ago.

I'm sticking to it this time, though. I need an outlet. I need a sense of stability. A place where middle-schoolers don't bring hypodermic needles to school, or tell you to "fuck off". A place where diapers don't need to be changed and sippy cups with 4 day old milk are never left behind couches. A place where laundry is always done, dishes are always clean, and husbands are always happy.

I hope this is that place.